Are you listening to the signals?

Meet Pat, 42 years old, Sydney.

Pat approaches a group of his peers,

his head stoops, shoulders round, his chin down.

His eyes look down. His body is taking a protective, submissive stance.

He’s making himself smaller to appear like he is not a threat.

He has always hated confrontation.

Pat is feeling a bit resentful, but he doesn’t acknowledge this to himself.

He smiles at his wife. She asks him why he didn’t take out the rubbish like she asked.

“Sorry, dear,” he says outwardly. He takes a hard swallow, and inwardly he curses her.

They haven’t been sexually intimate for months.

Meet Corral, 31 years old, Melbourne.

Corral's lower back is tight. She is having some digestive issues and discomfort. She has tried to cut out gluten and various other things, but still her digestion and bowel will not seem to settle.

She has a difficult relationship with her mother, who was always a bit absent, and she never really knew her father. She loves her friends, but always feels anxious before gatherings, fearing that she might say something embarrassing. Her thoughts are busy, and so is she.

One day, Pat comes home tired. He walks into the lounge, slumps onto the sofa, and puts his feet up.

“Don’t wear your shoes in the lounge, Pat,” says his wife.

Pat loses his sh*t.

“I PAY FOR THIS F*$C%ING HOUSE. I WILL WEAR MY SHOES WHEREVER I DAMN WELL WANT!”

He picks up a glass from the coffee table and hurls it against the wall. He storms into his bedroom and slams the door behind him.

Meanwhile, over in Melbourne.

It’s Corral’s good friend Sophia’s birthday drinks gathering in two hours, and Corral's stomach is doing somersaults. Her mind is racing.

She texts Sophia.

“Hey Sophia, OMG so sorry, I am not going to be able to come tonight, work has called me in last minute! GRRRR So gutted!!!! Have the best time. Will celebrate you at the weekend.”

Two hours have passed in Sydney.

Pat emerges sheepishly from his bedroom. His wife looks at him, still aghast at his out-of-character outburst.

“What on earth was that?” she enquires.

“I don’t know,” he says. “My body was boiling, chest and head felt like they were going to explode. Sorry about the glass, I don’t know what came over me.”

“It scared me, Pat. I felt quite shaken.”

“Of course, it’s not who I am, not how I want you to feel. I will get some help.”

In Melbourne,

Corral's phone vibrates.

“Oh NOOOOO! Work's the WORSTTTT but totally understand. We will miss you! Looks like extended birthday celebrations for me!!!! Could I see you Saturday? X”

Corral breathes a sigh of relief, and her stomach settles slightly.

Later that night, she is restless in bed. She feels sad to be missing the gathering and her friends. Her lower back is making her uncomfortable, and she can’t sleep.

Two weeks later, Pat comes home from an appointment with a holistic therapist.

“How did it go?” asks his wife.

“It was strange, but good. We worked on my posture a bit. When I stood up straight and opened my chest, I actually felt more comfortable saying what I was thinking. We started talking about Dad, and how I used to make myself small when he got angry. I hadn't thought about that in years.”

“That’s good,” says his wife encouragingly.

They hug.

“I’m sorry,” says Pat.

“I know,” replies his wife.

It’s sunrise in Melbourne.

Corral is sitting on her back deck. The wind is gentle, the sun warm, it’s quiet, and she is deep in meditation. A week ago, she had a dream, a version of the same dream she has been having since she was thirteen. This time, she had to figure out why it kept coming back.

She opened up her ChatGPT.

“Please analyse this dream for me, using a Jungian framework. Breaking down the symbols, motifs and meta-narrative.”

Chat reflected a number of things, but what she resonated most with was that the dream was pointing to a deeply held fear of abandonment. She wiped away a few tears.

She researched further. She discovered that it’s widely considered, especially in Eastern traditions, that our sense of safety and belonging is associated with the ‘Root and Sacral chakras’, the base of the spine, and the pelvic bowl and tummy area.

“That is where I feel the most intense sensations when I get anxious. I wonder if it’s also why I tighten up my lower back? But why has this been getting progressively worse? Surely I'm less afraid now than when I was 13?”

She asks her Chat...

“There are a number of things that could account for this,” her Chat responded.

“Can you look up if there could be anything related to the mind-body connection?”

“I found some perspectives that suggest the body and the mind could have been reinforcing this pattern, and the older you have got, the more used to it you may have become, the less consciously you might have been aware of it.”

“Maybe I’m not so afraid of my friends after all. Perhaps there is still a younger part of me that has the belief it’s going to be abandoned.”

One week on, Corral has begun a meditation practice to bring a sense of grounding and safety into her body. She has also decided to work with someone who specialises in inner child work to see if this can help her to bring a sense of peace.

 

Corral was afraid of isolation, and in an attempt to protect herself, she had isolated herself.

Pat feared confrontation; his fear of this led to an explosive one.

Both of them have discovered that their bodies have been trying to communicate to them all along, and there has been a “paper trail” of clues left behind in their actions.

Now, with the awareness of their patterns, they are empowered to change them.

 

Their road to change may not always be straight, nor easy.

They may fall into their reflex patterns, but falling and failing are not the same.

And who they are beyond these echoes from the past,

Calls to them from a light in the future.

Until the next time,

peace and love 

Alex